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PrincessKLS

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Reply with quote  #1 
I'm kind of worried at this point that I may not have any biological children. I'm not against adoption or IVF, etc but I'm still a virgin at almost 30, online dating has sucked, I haven't been able to find a decent, straight guy I want to screw on or offline :( Plus I have PCOS. I'm not trying to overpopulate the earth with a million kids, I just want maybe one or two children before I die. I'm scared, what are the chances I can have kids?
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Sometimes I think I was born backwards. You know, come out my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate. And the people I hate…”
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HRH

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Reply with quote  #2 
Princess, you bring up age and PCOS. I want to be supportive and say you have plenty of time, but I can't. These are medical questions and you need to consult a doctor. Other medical problems may also factor in. Given that many risks increase with age, you might want to talk to a doctor soon and get advice, not only on fertility but also on how advisable it would be to try to have children of your own.
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PrincessKLS

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Okay but it's just I've had so much sexual issues that I couldn't get over in time to have in my early 20s. And we live in a society that tells women now that it's better to wait until after your actual fertile times because a lot of people in my generation and the generations after me are "maturing slowly". I think it's good to wait until you are mentally mature enough for them but in our current climate, it's like we aren't really ready until our 30s or something.
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Sometimes I think I was born backwards. You know, come out my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate. And the people I hate…”
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HRH

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Reply with quote  #4 
I understand, but fertility shows a marked decrease after thirty, while the risk of birth defects and chromosomal abnormalities skyrockets. After thirty-five, it spikes again. Those facts are for otherwise healthy individuals, with a family history that doesn't increase the risks. So, you need to talk to a doctor.

I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't have children. I'm saying that random people on the internet cannot give you sound advice on this medical issue. The only way to get accurate information is to go to someone who is actually qualified to give it.
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PrincessKLS

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Reply with quote  #5 
Yes I have gone to a doctor to verify before that I had PCOS about two years ago but he wasn't the best doctor and his accent was too thick so I'm going to look for a better doctor in and around the town I'm at now. I remember how many immature follicles there seem to be in each sack, given my history ironically I probably could've had a baby easier between the ages of 11 and 18 but of course I wouldn't be ready then. I've considered adoption, etc in the future but sometimes I just get frustrated because I can't find a decent man even within my age group that I want to settle with. The other night, some guy on a dating site tried to get my sympathy and into my pants by claiming to be a sex addict who only wants a fwb situation now and IMO, I honestly don't want that or for a baby to come out of that type of situation. And the sex addict thing came from his words not mine.
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Sometimes I think I was born backwards. You know, come out my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate. And the people I hate…”
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PrincessKLS

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Reply with quote  #6 
But I guess what I want now is consideration and support that it can be done that if I don't have a child until age 40 that it's okay, if I never am able to produce a child after trying with and without IVF type drugs it's okay. Or even if the time for me to adopt and/or having foster children never comes in this lifetime that's its okay. Society is so rough on women these days, we are looked down upon for having children in our fertile youths, but also if we have them too late. We can be looked down upon if we never have them or have them at all. Why can't women win in the 21st century social and political climates.
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Sometimes I think I was born backwards. You know, come out my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate. And the people I hate…”
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HRH

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Reply with quote  #7 
Well, I can tell you that it's perfectly okay if you don't have children. You define yourself too much by what other people think and what you see as expected. Personally, I don't think any woman should have a child to fulfill societal pressure. It's bad for her and her child. I don't understand why you would wait for the right man, either. You cannot rely on anyone, including a husband, to be there, quite frankly. If you aren't up to the task of single parenthood, you should never have children, in my opinion. Depending on someone else's help or income sets you up for future problems. We don't live in the nineteenth century; marriage is easy to end.

Think about what it takes to be a mother. Honestly ask yourself if you can fulfill the requirements. Don't just think about what you want; think about what you have to offer. Can you go without sleep when they are sick? Can you be someone else's emotional anchor? Can you inspire strength and positive choices? Can you instill self-confidence and personal power in another? Can you build them up, so that they can be an individual who doesn't worry about the opinions of others, but always talks the feelings of others into account? Can you teach self-control? Can you lead by example 24 hours a day and live in a fishbowl? Can you maintain your own identity and ethics, when the world would reduce you to "Jane's mom?"

Think about the child you want. Envision their looks, their personality, their orientation, their desires, likes, and dislikes. Now, could you love a child who was the exact opposite of everything you just envisioned? Can you support and encourage them, when you don't understand or approve of their choices?

Motherhood is not about genetics. It's not about desires. It's about helping another human being find their way to their best possible path without judgment, condemnation, or doubt. A child is an individual, not an extension of their parents.

I only know you from the internet; I cannot pretend to know the real you. But I can say that I think you are still searching for yourself; adding a child will not help you. It may still the biological clock, but it won't help you find what you seek. Find your own answers, before you take on the responsibility of guiding someone else.
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PrincessKLS

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Reply with quote  #8 
To me race and various things that the child is doesn't matter. I have to say it hasn't always been that way, but really the only two issues I'm worried about is having a girl (so I'm not sure how I would deal with FTM trans child) and the severity of disabilities they have. Certain types of disabilities I think I could handle but others may be too difficult for me. I understand that a lot of people for the past two or three generations are used to coming from divorced and/or single-parent families, I'm not against it myself but for my particular expectations, I would want my husband and/or father of my baby to support the child. And no I'm not above taking a selfish baby daddy to court if it ever called for that. I'm sick of society shaming women into being the sole providers of children born out of wedlock or prior to a divorce. In my opinion, the man should also be responsible for caring for that child as well. Yes I do know there's same sex parents in some family, IMO depending on the situation, it should be worked out just so. If for example you have two mommies or two daddies but these two used sperm donors and/or surrogants, I don't think the man or woman in those situation should have to pay for the baby and take care of it. But let's say for example, the parents get a divorce because the father turns out gay and leaves his wife and kids behind for a new lover, then yes I do think the father should give child support to the family at the very least. Now I understand that my beliefs may not be popular with some people but honestly, I don't want to be with a man who doesn't use condoms and/or runs away when I say I'm pregnant. Future deadbeat dads, be aware.
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Sometimes I think I was born backwards. You know, come out my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate. And the people I hate…”
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HRH

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Reply with quote  #9 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessKLS
really the only two issues I'm worried about is having a girl (so I'm not sure how I would deal with FTM trans child) and the severity of disabilities they have. Certain types of disabilities I think I could handle but others may be too difficult for me.


I won't get into politics with you, but what if the father is unable to provide support? What if he loses his job and can't find work or becomes disabled? What if he goes to prison, or has a mental breakdown? What if he dies? Anyone planning to have a child must think of possibilities and assure themselves that they are physically, mentally, and financially able to support that child alone.

If you cannot love a transgender child, I recommend that you not have children, because the gods love to screw with people. If you must have a girl, do not have children, because you only have fifty percent odds. If disabilities are an issue, consider your family medical history and speak with a doctor, please.

I can tell you that waiting until forty to have a child raises the risks of having a disabled child even higher than they are at thirty. Family medical history can increase those odds even more. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's true.

It is okay to be childless. I know some great woman who chose that path and are perfectly fulfilled with who they are. I know others who wanted children and couldn't have them, but found happiness in their destiny. It's okay to be an individual; you don't have to be what anyone else thinks you should. But please don't bring a child into the world for the wrong reasons. They don't complete us; they show us how very lacking we are. Sometimes, that inspires us to be better. Sometimes, it creates tragedy for mother and child.

I'm going to let this topic rest. I wish you joy and wisdom.
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PrincessKLS

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Reply with quote  #10 
Okay HRH, thanks for your input but just like I did at ESF, I'm putting on my ignore list and wish for you to do the same. And I wasn't saying I would never love a transgendered child, I simply I was saying I have biased in favor for female children and have huge explosion of feminity in my home and maybe in the end, I'll find out maybe I don't want a male partner, maybe I'll raise it with female partner and use a sperm donor. I mean I do have some issues with men anyway.

Anyway, I'd like to continue this discussion without too much outrage and help and support for my unique situation.

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Sometimes I think I was born backwards. You know, come out my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate. And the people I hate…”
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PrincessKLS

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Reply with quote  #11 
And also I'm aware of the various reasons why a man can't provide support but if he's simply being a deadbeat and not willing to step up to the plate and negotiate a deal with me, yeah he's going to court. And as far as I understand if a child loses a parent prior to the age of 18, they can get SS survivors benefits until the age of 18 or in the case of a diagnosed disability, so death of a father isn't exactly a huge issue. If the father did become disabled or lose a job, I'm sure the court would rule in his favor and I'd be willing to do anything to support my child, even if that means going on welfare.
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Sometimes I think I was born backwards. You know, come out my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate. And the people I hate…”
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Dragonfly

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Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HRH
I understand, but fertility shows a marked decrease after thirty, while the risk of birth defects and chromosomal abnormalities skyrockets. After thirty-five, it spikes again. Those facts are for otherwise healthy individuals, with a family history that doesn't increase the risks. So, you need to talk to a doctor. I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't have children..


Not to mention the fathers sperm is highly effective in the same age groups. The sperm degradation causes medical conditions as well its also thought that sperm in the mid to late forties has a high rate of causing babies to have mental issues like Schizophrenia, and scociopathic tendencies.  


Quote:

 I'm saying that random people on the internet cannot give you sound advice on this medical issue. The only way to get accurate information is to go to someone who is actually qualified to give it


Definitely need the advice of you gyno and psychologist on this one dear xoxo

And honestly if you have that many sexual issues and that many fears about being able to love a transgender (im not even sure why you're even entertaining that, you would have a larger risk of having an autistic child), do you really think  you are in a stable mental frame of mind to be a mother?  I will tell you right now NOTHING prepares you for being a mom.  The stress alone is crazy.  Its a PURE LABOR OF LOVE.  They cry for no reason and cant tell you why. Some have colic and make you want to jump off a fucking roof (my daughter had colic) you cry when they cry you are exhausted and you have to SUCK IT UP.  They piss on you, they puke on you. They crap all over everything when they are sick.  They have crazy insane scary fevers.  They have shots and medicine and eat on their own schedules.  They take up to 6 months before they will sleep the entire night without making you get up and tend to them. I love my children for all the stress and bullshit they put me through. They are why I get up in the morning and bust my ass at work.  Why when im exhausted after a long day I come home to make dinner clean the house and do laundry.  Its all for them.  Babies are precious and priceless, and just because a woman has the desire to have one doesn't mean she is ready to be a mother.  

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