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WitchOfEndor

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Both my daughters are Autistic/Aspergers. My youngest,Charlotte will be starting middle school in a week & the stress is mounting for her & for myself. Charlotte is incredibly shy, phobic level shy & is a ball of nerves about middle school. She was main streamed last year from being in a school for Autism since she was 3 years old. I'm very worried for her. She is such a kind,delicate & gentle soul & I worry over how she will be treated by the kids. I know every kid is different but my eldest daughter pretty much had a nervous breakdown over how badly she was treated in middle school & Charlotte is so much more sensitive than my eldest.

Does anyone have any tips on how to help my girl with shyness? Good thoughts, energies sent her way would be most appeciated. I've already stressed how shy she is at her IEP & have already left messages at the middle school. I don't know how else to help. Gods, I hope all goes well or I'm going to go psycho mom at the school.

Here's some pics of my gentle lil Charlotte. She's 12 years old.

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dancingstar

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Reply with quote  #2 
What a beautiful young lady!  I like your eldest nearly had a break down in middle/high school.  I would make sure that they don't put her in the class with behavioral problem students.  Most of the time when they divide up the classes they have 3 different kinds of groups: students with average ability, below average, and above average.  It's not fair but that's the way most schools do it because I guess they are better able to customize to the needs of the students who need more help.  If they put her in the group with people below average there will more likely be issues with noise and people being too rowdy.  Like on an extreme level almost.  I feel if she's put with that group that she might fall behind and get agitated real easy.  
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Lady Moon Wolf

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Reply with quote  #3 
She is BEAUTIFUL!! I LOVE LOVE her hair!!!

For shyness, maybe get her involved in a drama club if they have one. Perhaps after school. It's easier not to be shy if you are acting like someone else and that type of crowd is generally pretty accepting. Even if she doesn't want to be an actress or anything she can paint and make clothes and just be around people who are friendly and outgoing. That may help her come put of her shell.

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dancingstar

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Reply with quote  #4 
I don't know about drama, it depends on what she likes.  I was in choir and loved it, we did a few musicals during the school year.  I think that it really just depends on what she can handle being around.  I think the main thing is if she shows interest in something (sports, academic, musical or otherwise) to be supportive and let her explore/experiment.  Give her encouragement if she says she wants to try out for something even if you feel she's going to fall flat on her face.  Nothing hurts worse than a parent who isn't supportive and doesn't think you can do what you want to do.  It might just keep her from even trying.  
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Falling Star

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Reply with quote  #5 
She is so lucky to have a mum like you.......you are all beautiful inside and out. I will send you both calming energies and ask the angels that she may be protected bless her. I think you have done, and are doing all you can WOE as far as preparing her and alerting the school.

Don't forget she will be surrounded by loving family in spirit who will do their best to make sure she is ok.



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Athena

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Reply with quote  #6 

She is adorable! I don't think there is anything you can do to cushion it WoE.  Kids are mean.  I dont think there is anything you can do to change what will be.  Or to prepare for it.  IMO the most important thing to do is address the fact that kids are mean and the insecure ones are the meanest.  In every school they are there.  Give her a sense of comfort that this is the way it will be but that it wont change how exciting and new middle school will be.  maybe let her know its gonna happen so when/if it does she wont be thrown off by it and if it doesnt she will be all the more happy.  Too much worrying about "what if's" will suck the excitement right out of it.  Not to mention there are so many " no tolerance" schools and rules in regards to bullying now awareness is high and less is swept under carpets.  This will be good for her. 

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Escaflowne

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Reply with quote  #7 
you have a lovely girl there WoE. junior high is rough, can you get her martial arts lessons? those help people become centered and really boost confidence. 
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WitchOfEndor

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Reply with quote  #8 
Charlotte has been in drama, cheerleading,choir & is now in summer day camp. Nothing has really helped.    I've taken her to a counsellor but she won't talk because of the shyness. 

I've taught her that kids can be rotten & that cruelty & disrespect are not to be tolerated. Avoid the negative kids but if they seek you out then goto a teacher & always tell Mama.  I will sort it out immediately! Even if that means showing up at a parents front door. I've had to do that with my eldest when she practically became a shut in over the cruelty she recieved because she was a little different.

Charlotte has a photographic memory & loves to learn songs. I''ve told her if there any instruments she'd like to explore, I'd be more than happy to get her whatever she would like but she's not interested yet. She seems fearful of anything new. I sure hope this year will go well for her & hopefully she'll come out of her shell.  Everybody keep your fingers crossed for my girl.
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Lady Moon Wolf

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Reply with quote  #9 
Poor girl  

Does she have any pets? Sometimes animals can help kids where people can't. 

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The timber wolves will be our friends
We'll stay up late and howl,
At the moon, till nighttime ends,
Before going on the prowl
-Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
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dancingstar

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Reply with quote  #10 
I will certainly keep my fingers crossed for Ms. Charlotte.  (It took me to college before I came out of my shell even a tiny bit.  It's gotta be on her time and when she feels it's right.) 
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Falling Star

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Reply with quote  #11 
Keeping you all in my thoughts WoE, sending energy and love.
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Lady Moon Wolf

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Reply with quote  #12 
How is she doing?
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The timber wolves will be our friends
We'll stay up late and howl,
At the moon, till nighttime ends,
Before going on the prowl
-Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
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WitchOfEndor

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Reply with quote  #13 
She had orientation & looked terrified. She sort of shut down a bit & kept to herself & I was with her for that.    School officially starts Thursday & her first hour is going to be gym. Ugh!  I've already emailed the gym teacher to tell about Charlotte's fine motor & gross motor delays & about her crippling shyness so hopfully the gym teacher will keep an eye on Charlotte.

I'm going to be a nervous wreck all day Thursday wondering how she's handling things.  Her big sister & I have been giving her pep talks so I hope maybe I can transfer some of my confidence to her.
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Crystal

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Reply with quote  #14 
Aww I hope all goes well.
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dancingstar

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Reply with quote  #15 
Ugh what school makes a kid start p.e. first?!?  That's horrible,  I hope that the teacher listens to what you say.  I usually find it best to go in and physically talk to the teacher. 
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InkDreamer

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Reply with quote  #16 
Wishing the best for you and your daughters.
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Lady Moon Wolf

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Reply with quote  #17 

At least with having PE first it gets it over with, it's not too hot out and you don't sweat too much.


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The timber wolves will be our friends
We'll stay up late and howl,
At the moon, till nighttime ends,
Before going on the prowl
-Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
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dancingstar

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Reply with quote  #18 
I sweated ridiculous amounts regardless lol..even so she might not be comfortable getting undressed/showering in front of girls.  At the age she is her body is going through changes and it's important to have proper hygiene.  Lest the other kids pick on her for being smelly or gross.  And having it first in the day would leave it wide open for her to have some insensitive jerk go up and say "pe ew" while holding his nose to make her feel terrible..
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WitchOfEndor

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Reply with quote  #19 

Ugh!!  I just checked her schedule & they've changed it without letting us know. Grrrr. She no longer has Gym at all now.  School starts tomorrow. Think I'm going to make a "social call" on the middle school today & get something straightened out once & for frickin all.  Still waiting for transportation to call & let me know what time they will be picking up my other daughter fo High School. So the school district has managed to make my other Aspie girl a nervous wreck now too.    All right before school starts....  Trying really hard not to lose my temper. Not an easy task at the moment, I go in for an ultrasound of my pancreas & I'm scared witless over that.

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Dragonfly

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Reply with quote  #20 

((((((hug))))))) sendng energy and love


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WitchOfEndor

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Reply with quote  #21 
I took Charlotte to the middle school today & asked for her Teacher Consultant to come down & talk with us. She had us come to her room & to meet some of the other teachers, that helped & everyone remembers her big sister. I also took Charlotte to meet the principal & assistant principal, they seen me lose my temper at the school district building over Katie a few years ago so they were really putting an effort to win Charlotte over. LOL  Charlotte says she's not so scared anymore & she seems excited. 

She's so damn sweet, after her shower she came up for me to help with her massive amount of hair & it smelled like a rose bush was coming into my room. LOL  She has used my rose perfume oil ( a lil too much) She said she wanted to smell lovely for school tomorrow. LOL Gods I love my sweet girl.

Here's hoping all goes well for her & her sister.   I'm a lucky Mama.

Thanks everyone sooo much for the words of encouragement & the kindness.((((((((hugs to all))))))))
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Falling Star

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Reply with quote  #22 
Oh bless her heart. So glad she feels more confident about school.  I hope your scan went well and all is well.  thinking of you all and sending love. (hug)
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*I salute the light within your eyes where the whole universe dwells. For when you are at that centre within you and i am at that place within me,.....We shall be one!
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WitchOfEndor

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Reply with quote  #23 
So far so good with Charlotte & Katie. Phew!
My scan went ok, so far the pancreas seems within normal limits but my liver is enlarged & I have a non obstructive kidney stone. Not sure why my liver is enlarged, I don't drink..... I goto a specialist on the 13th, hopefully I find out more then.

I feel so relieved so far about Charlotte & she says she feels more like a teenager now that she's in middle school. LOL 
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dancingstar

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Reply with quote  #24 
That's great news!!! So glad to hear that things are going well for Ms. Charlotte .  She really is a lovely young girl and I hope that things continue to look up for her!  And glad that your scan went well.  I'm sure the enlarged liver will fix it's self.  
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WitchOfEndor

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Reply with quote  #25 

Thank you DS  (((hugs)))

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Lady Moon Wolf

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Reply with quote  #26 

I'm happy she is doing well!!!


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The timber wolves will be our friends
We'll stay up late and howl,
At the moon, till nighttime ends,
Before going on the prowl
-Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
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